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Saturday, June 18, 2011

The Departure

It’s Saturday already, and that means “Saturday Centus” over at Jenny Matlock’s “ on my tangent...”  This week we have the usual 100 words with which to write a piece based on the prompt “within the stone,” suggested by my good friend Jeff Campbell, whose blog, “Tennessee Mudbug,” is a favorite of mine.

Here’s my contribution.  

The Departure

within the stone cold heart 
of an old man lives  
leavings of love lost   years
of bitterness   faint 
memories of frozen
scorching   blinding anguish
he stands   stares   afflicted
with gloom   melancholy
plagued   undone   wreaking
revulsion of his wrongs
he raises the knife
to his chest   falls on it
black blood oozes through his
shirt   spills onto the floor
leaves a pool of rancor
across the squeaky clean
floor of the nursing home

(I must be channeling Edgar Allan Poe.  That's my only excuse, cj).


Sue said...

I liked it!

Especially "a pool of rancor across the squeaky clean floor."


Judie said...

This is such a clever and creative take on the prompt! Brava!!!

shannon i olson said...

oh very sad, moving.

Ames said...

Wow! Very vivid CJ. This poor old fella is miserable at best. I sure hope when I am old and done with this world, that I decide to leave in peace and not by the knife (or any other means of tragedy.) I don't think we were meant to take the easy way out.~Ames

Jingle said...

stunning imagery.
love the word flow. said...

This is so sad and so realistic. The pain of the elderly is something we tend to ignore. You expressed it very well. Thanks for that.

jeff campbell said...

cj...A very different leaning for you it seems...IMHO, this is one of your best, Poesque darkness know sad, and use it well...Peace and blessings

Rek said...

Better than Poe is my statement and I stick to it with all my delicate might.

Dazee Dreamer said...

if you were calling on the spirit of Poe, you far outdid him. I could never understand his writings. You, on the other hand, did a fabulous job.

The Woodswoman said...

Hummmm ..... oh, dear. What well of emotion did you tap into?? The utter strength here and shattering finality. Superb writing!!

Jo said...

Oh you are channeling Mr. Poe ... such a brilliant take, and so visual and so fluid!

Nonna Beach said...

Excellent, torturous, lonely many regrets, deep pain and only a knife to end it all...devastatingly unforgettable story !

Jenny said...

Holy moly. Wow. I thought I had tried my hand at poetry this week, but now that I read yours, obviously I just wrote drivel.

Geez. This is really excellent. I love so many lines from this.

Just brilliantly done.

laurie @ bargain hunting said...

Yikes! Great job with the prompt. Your imagery was so strong. I could see the old man ending his life! Thank you for your kind visit to my blog. laurie