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Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Happy Birthday @ Small Stories and Stuff

Here I am again, late, very late to Saturday Centus. After missing last week altogether, I did catch up on all the posts from last week, so now I can write my own for this week and begin to read yours.

The rules are simple, but in case you’re new to Jenny Matlock’s brain child, just click on her name in the first paragraph to learn the rules. There is also a button on my sidebar that will take you to her,


This week’s prompt is, "He never dreamed when he blew out the candles on his cake..." After a lengthy shopping trip a few days ago, I am keenly tuned into the obesity in our population. More than half the people I encountered were significantly overweight and many held the hands of rotund kids. These people are killing themselves and creating a legacy of illness and early death for their children, and it worries me. So, forgive my rather moribund take on this prompt. The prompt is in bold italics.


He never dreamed when he blew out the candles on his cake that the room would grow dim, he would feel the weight on an elephant on his chest and collapse into his chair, sucking air and wondering if he where were dying.

“Call 911 and get him an aspirin,” his mother screeched in horror.

He opened his eyes to a circle of concerned faces, wishing he had the breath to tell them to back away and stop stealing his air.

Paramedics moved him to a stretcher, gave him some oxygen and carted him to the bus to stabilize him.

“How many candles on that cake?”

“26.”

“No pulse. Let’s get busy.”

10 comments:

Sue said...

Powerful, CJ. And disturbing. And very well done.

=)

Tracy said...

so few words yet powerfully used

Koby said...

You just never know, do you?

I read an obit today where the poor man died on his 61st birthday. Sad, and creepy all at the same time.

Great job!

Ames said...

That's not how I want to go, but then only the good Lord knows the time and place. Good post. ~Ames

Terra said...

so young. So sad, so hard. It happens. Hope this story has a happy ending

Jenny said...

Oh man. OK, no cake for me...ever again!

This was such a strong and compelling read. I remember many years ago when the weird health stuff started that made me gain a ton of weight in a few months time, it seemed that nobody was overweight.

Now, it is everywhere. All the time.

A good reminder and a warning.

Thank you for linking.

Jenners said...

You managed to write an issue story! I love it. It says a lot in such a few lines. Well done!

Tina said...

uw such a grim tale. I really like it and the fact that its not a typical story. Go u!

Tina from
Mummy Diaries

Kat said...

Sorry so late to comment, but I'm glad I came back to read this. This is such a sad issue, and you captured a moment perfectly. I can see the scene in my mind's eye. Well done! Kat

noexcuses said...

Good take on a very important issue. Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting.

I'd like to return here when I have some more time. Looks like some great reads here!