Non Resolutions

"Her crumpled up list of resolutions..."


Well, here it is Monday, and I’m just getting to Saturday Centus. I do so hate to get behind, but it seems to happen more than it should. Most of you know the drill, but in case you don’t, click on Saturday Centus above to learn all about it. Here’s my small story for this week.




cj hates resolutions, sees them as planned disappointments and subsequent blows to one’s self esteem.

More home cooking.

No chocolate.

No alcohol.

No unnecessary spending.

More trips to the gym.

Her crumpled up list of resolutions goes flying into the nearest trash bin.


© cj Schlottman

Magic Bath

Here’s my contribution to Jenny Matlock’s meme, Saturday Centus. Not familiar with this themed writing exercise? Click on the Saturday Centus link above and find out all about it. And don’t forget to check out Jenny’s ...off on my tangent... She’s a wonderful writer. Please take time to read all the entries. You will find some very clever little stories.

This week's prompt is “The white-bearded fat man rolled through the church doors...”

Here is my little story:


The white-bearded fat man rolled through the church doors and tumbled like a red snowman all the way down to the feet of Baby Jesus. The preacher helped Santa to his feet and got a whif of what must have been rum.

“Welcome, Santa. What brings you to church on Christmas Eve when you have rounds to complete?”

The Schlottmans had egg nog instead of milk, and I’m afraid I overserved myself. Do you have any coffee?”

“We have Holy Water. Let me sprinkle your forehead and you’ll be good as new.”

“How’d it go?” asked the elves.

“I wanted coffee, but he gave me a bath. Let’s go.”


© cj Schlottman 12/25/10

Elves Rule @ Small Stores and Stuff

Here’s my contribution to Jenny Matlock’s meme, Saturday Centus. Not familiar with this themed writing exercise? Click on the Saturday Centus link above and find out all about it. And don’t forget to check out Jenny’s ...off on my tangent... She’s a wonderful writer. Please take time to read all the entries. You will find some very clever little stories.

This week's prompt is
“Dad has ruined everything. What was he thinking? OMG! Elves are soooo 2009..."


Elves Rule

The rehearsal party was in full swing, and the air was festive with Christmas music from the grand piano in the library. Trays of drinks and hors d'oeuvre were being passed by butlers dressed as elves.

The future bride came in with her fiancé and stomped over to her mother.

“Dad has ruined everything. What was he thinking? OMG! Elves are soooo 2009..."

At that, she looked up and spied Santa Claus at the piano. He winked at her and she rushed over.

“My dear,” he said. “Elves are forever, and so am I.

Then he disappeared into thin air.


© cj Schlottman

Happy Birthday @ Small Stories and Stuff

Here’s my contribution to Jenny Matlock’s meme, Saturday Centus. Not familiar with this themed writing exercise? Clint on the Saturday Centus link above and find out all about it. And don’t forget to check out Jenny’s ...off on my tangent... She’s a wonderful writer. Please take time to read all the entries. You will find some very clever little stories.




I snooped in the back of his closet, having struck out in all of his usual hiding places. My birthday present had to be here somewhere. An involuntary gasp of shock escaped my lips when I opened the shoe box and saw the pointy-toed shoes...black strappy Jimmy Choos with 4 inch heels.

I envisioned us dancing at the Wellington’s Christmas party and began to configure the proper outfit in my mind. A little black dress and my ruby and diamond earrings and pendant. Perfect.

Unable to stop myself, I pulled the shoes out and tried them on. Two sizes too small! That cheating #@&*%$^!!!

Wait ‘til his birthday comes along................

My Christmas Elf @ Small Stories and Stuff - The Truth

Before I publish my second Saturday Centus of the week, a word of explanation is in order. My son, Parrish, is 41 and suffers from schizoaffective disorder. The simplest way to explain it is to say it is an unfortunate combination of bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. You will find the first post here.






CHRISTMAS ELF - THE TRUTH

She wanted a happy ending so fantasized one. The last paragraph was a lie. The lights were so overwhelming that he sat and cried. They went back to the attic.

The weekend was a series of intermittent confusion and hallucinations and perseverations about every conceivable subject. He wept often, woke her in the night for coffee and company. At Wal-Mart, he spoke only Spanish. He sat in the kitchen while she made chocolate mousse and jambalaya.

Today he was eager to go “Home.” His safe place is no longer with her.

Her heart is shattered.

My Christmas Elf @ Small Stories and Stuff

Saturday Centus again already! Most of you now the rules, but if you need to know more, visit Saturday Centus, the brain child of Jenny Matlock, whose blog, “...off on my tanget” is a must for good reading and great ideas. She has other memes, too!


This week’s prompt is, "The bin of tangled up holiday lights..." We have 100 words, not including the prompt, to write a little story around the prompt. Since it is a writing exercise, I put myself on a timer and usually give myself an hour to complete my entry. How you handle it is, of course, up to you.

Here is my take on this week’s prompt. You will find it in italics.



MY CHRISTMAS ELF

Having her son for a weekend is like inviting a bear to a picnic. Disorganized and distracted by his disease, he forgot to bring warm clothes. The kitchen counter around the coffee maker feels like super glue, and he he obsessing about what he will wear - to Wal-Mart.

At 5:30 AM, she found him on the deck in shorts, no shoes, and a tee shirt smoking a cigarette. Temperature 35º.

But when she pulled the bin of tangled up holiday lights from the attic, he set to work and systematically straightened each strand. She plopped a Santa hat on his head and smiled a mother’s smile.

Horrorscopes Make Her Cranky

Well, Jenny over at Saturday Centus has “done done it agin,” as we say in the Deep South. With the help of Clearspace, she has come up with a writing prompt with a twist. If you are unfamiliar with Saturday Centus, just click on the link above to learn the rules.

You know those horoscopes in newspapers? One of those will be our prompt for this week. We are to pic one randomly from a paper or a web site and write a story using the usual <100 words about the kind of day that horoscope "predicts". When you have linked up your contribution and read the others, be sure to visit Jenny at ...off on my tangent. Please try to read all the entries and give some feedback. That’s what a blogging community is all about, and you will see some very smart, original writing there.

I am and Aries, whatever that means, and I got mine from a web site called dailyhoroscopes.com and here it is:


Saturday, November 27 2010

You may have noticed that your old zest is back and your social life is picking up--you will seek out new people, maybe even a new job. Being more involved with neighbors or sibling(s) satisfies a deep emotional need. A new cycle begins for you, signaling a greater than usual interest in relationships, social connections and the arts. A family squabble helps to show off your problem-solving abilities. You are able to see both sides of an issue. The situation calls for understanding and compromise. Marriage and other close relationships come to your attention today as you express your appreciation for other people in your life. This is a time to enjoy and appreciate your ties to others, and to seek and promote harmony.

What am I supposed to do with that, and in less than 100 words, to boot? This will take some thought, but my on-call day has been quiet so far, so maybe I will get it done today.

Here goes:


Horrorscopes Make Her Cranky

Her “old zest” having turned rancid the day before Thanksgiving with the return of profound depression, cj certainly disputed the first sentence. Not her. Ditto the garbage about “greater than usual” interests. She was satisfied with the ones she had.

A family squabble? Happened weeks ago when she
admonished her stepchildren to “Be Nice or Leave” on family night - AKA the Jerry Springer Show.

Marriage? After only 18 months, she still felt very married to her late husband.

Who ARE these people?

She decided to climb back into bed and pull the covers over her head.


© cj Schlottman